Holiday Cheers and Tears

Hello Honey

Image Description:  Read and Yellow picture reading "Happy Thanksgiving Week" 2022 Thegrivingreader

I hope you are staying safe and having an incredible holiday season.  I have never been a fan of the holiday season.  Many family issues come into play but, my parents always swopped in to make sure that I enjoyed every second of the day.  I always had a sour attitude in the weeks leading up to the holidays I never understood how so many people in the world could be happy at a time that I was not.  

I was adopted at a young age. It was an open adoption but, my parents did not make much of an effort to get to know me.  They would always call me around the holidays, when I was younger I looked forward to the phone calls.  However, as I got older I started to dread them.  I do not want to have an hour-long conversation a few times a year.  I found myself putting on a show to be okay for them.  I was genuinely happy when they did not interfere with my life because it was what became normal.  The best I can compare it to is when you are in your classroom and the principal is observing.  

This year will be hard for the reasons I listed before and, as it is the first Thanksgiving I will spend without mom.  We were not big holiday people but we did participate.  We had meals special to us untraditional to most but true to who we are.  I will be replicating some to regain some familiarity, and because I know mom would love what we're having. 

I want to focus on grief and how personal it is.  I lost mom less than a year ago, and I am not over it, or even through the worst of it.  Many people have encouraged me to grieve in a way they feel appropriate, put her stuff in boxes, and think about the happy memories.  Unfortunately, that does not make me feel better.  My grief is very materialistic and everything I own I can connect back to her so, boxing her things up would mean boxing my things up.  Also, happy memories do not exist in my mind yet.  I only remember how we could remake these memories if she was still here. 

 I completely understand what a difficult time the holidays can be for those in any stage of grieving. You do not need to apologize to anyone for the way that you grieve.  Show up for yourself in any way that makes you feel safe and as positive as you can this holiday season.  

Much Love and Seasons Greetings-  TGR